Winston Churchill

Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.

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Winston Churchill

We are all worms. But I believe that I am a glow-worm

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Winston Churchill

There is no finer investment for any community than putting milk into babies.

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Steven Wright

I went to a 24 hour fruit and veg store. When I arrived there, the guy was closing up the blinds. I said, 'Eh, the sign says Open 24 Hours'. He said, 'Yeah, but not all in a row!'

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Steven Wright

If I was going to shoot a mime, I'd use a silencer!

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Steven Wright

I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.

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